


25 - 150 hertz

by eggstasy



Series: The Care and Feeding of Washingtons [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, fluff as hell yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggstasy/pseuds/eggstasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a lot of time to socialize the kitten. Caboose is desperate to see it but the second he sees Dexard hiss and bare his claws, he about-faces and leaves, saying something about kittens covered in spikes. Wash guesses he can sympathize. It takes a particular person to like cats at their worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	25 - 150 hertz

Wash stares down at the box in his hands. He looks up at Grif and Simmons shifting awkwardly just past his door, then back down at the box. "I don't..."

"Holy shit," Grif says exasperatedly, "open it you moron. We didn't poke any air holes because we figured you'd be all over this."

Wash crouches down and pops the lid off the box to see a scruffy, dirty little orange tabby kitten inside. The poor thing is missing part of its ear and hisses immediately upon seeing Wash and he loves it, he loves it to pieces, this is all he's ever needed in his life.

"It's a stray," Simmons says in a tone that's trapped somewhere between reassuring and warning. "So we didn't steal anybody's cat. Though I mean, I suppose if someone was keeping cats who looked like that and hated people you'd probably want them taken away-"

"Uhhh Wash," Grif interrupts, alarmed when Wash starts slowly stripping off his gloves and gauntlets, "you're gonna wanna keep those on, that little fucker bites. And scratches. And pees, like it does all the awful things cats usually do."

“He'll never learn to be gentle if I don't use my bare hands," Wash murmurs, and distracts the kitten with one hand to hiss at while he sneaks the other around to pinch the scruff of his neck and lift him gently out. He brings up his palm to support the little thing's bottom when it curls up in the air and he looks into his face, little ears back, barely-there kitten growl whistling between them.

"You've just had a hard time, huh buddy?" Wash murmurs, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Grif and Simmons slowly start to back away.

"OKAY so, looks like you've got shit handled," Grif drawls, tugging on Simmons's arm.

Wash cups the kitten close to his chest, where he snarls and bites furiously at his chestplate. "Guys," he starts.

" _Nope,_ " Grif says loudly, giving up on pulling Simmons away and just about-faces to leave.

"Grif!" Simmons calls after him. "God, you're hopeless."

Since Grif won't hear it, Wash turns to Simmons. "...I guess this is trying to make up for the prank. Or is this Donut's idea? Rehabilitate me by having me rehabilitate something else?"

Simmons folds his arms and looks away, posture screaming discomfort. "It was Grif's idea. Grif and mine. We- y'know. We didn't know you'd get so into it."

The kitten gives up on the chestplate and finds one of Wash's unprotected fingers and sinks his little needle teeth into that instead. Wash doesn't even flinch. "Thanks. Both of you guys. I don't- I might have to give it up to someone else, depending on how things go, but I'll-"

Simmons waves a hand and it's weird, for him to not fall all over himself when receiving gratitude. He must really mean it. "It's your little nightmare now, so. I guess enjoy it."

Wash names the kitten Dexard and when he tells Grif and Simmons the next day in the mess hall they both choke on their breakfasts.

 

* * *

 

It takes a lot of time to socialize the kitten. Caboose is desperate to see it but the second he sees Dexard hiss and bare his claws, he about-faces and leaves, saying something about kittens covered in spikes. Wash guesses he can sympathize. It takes a particular person to like cats at their worst.

Tucker calls it a fleabag but loves throwing shit for Dexard to chase around Wash's quarters. He becomes less enamored with the thing when it claws up his undersuit. "Fuck! I already got told once that if I come back with any more holes in this thing I'd have to fix it up myself!" "What were you doing that put holes in your Kevlar undersuit? " "Uhhh..."

Nobody really takes an interest in his kitten beyond that. Carolina sees the furious little fluffball when she comes by his quarters to drop off his next assignment and just shakes her head. Epsilon had plenty to say, of course. "Look at that fuckin' thing. Just fucking look at it. All it does is make noise and eat all your food and enjoy it's free fuckin' ride, but is it grateful? No. Goddamn menace will probably put fucking holes in all your fucking clothes as a thank you."

Wash rolls his eyes and picks up Dexard, redepositing him in the litterbox to pee in the right place. "Wow, who does that sound like?"

Carolina's guffaw and Epsilon's sputtering was so completely worth it.

 

* * *

 

Wash is in his third largely sleepless night when he feels something clawing up his blanket. He reaches down to pluck the kitten up from the floor and deposits him on his bed, waiting for the little monster to attack his fingers and then flee furiously to beneath his bunk or into his closet. It's become a nightly ritual that would be a lot more aggravating if he...y'know, actually slept, but since he's already awake it's just kind of whatever. The kitten has yet to properly warm up to him, but Wash believes he just needs some time.

Dexard does indeed attack his fingers, hissing and using his claws but instead of flying from off of his bunk back to the safety of the ground, the kitten instead finds the back of Wash's knee beneath the blanket, shoves himself in there and curls up into a ball.

Wash shoves his face into his pillow when he feels a little rumbling purr against his leg and blames the urge to cry on emotional instability brought on by insomnia.

 

* * *

 

The only time Dexard is anything approaching 'nice' to Wash is when he's about to be fed. Finding cat food in the middle of a war-torn city is about as difficult as one would expect, so while Wash can find some in a few places, he ends up having to mix up a lot of it from what he can scrounge from the mess hall. Food isn't exactly in ready supply so he just uses scraps from his tray to supplement whatever he finds. Tucker must notice and must have told Caboose also, because starting one day he finds scraps from their trays dumped onto his own, in the little pocket where he keeps Dexard's food, as Tucker passes by to return his tray to the kitchens.

Dexard always trots over to him when he brings back food now, little stick tail straight up in the air. He hasn't gotten as far as rubbing against Wash's ankles yet, but Wash is sure he'll get there. He also growls while he eats, so Wash has taken to crouching next to the little guy while he does, a hand on his back and petting gently. Once or twice he'll move his food away, but always lets the kitten go back to it and just makes sure to touch him. He'll get him there. He just needs time. "You just had it rough for a while, little fella," Wash murmurs. Dexard growls and climbs half-into his food dish to get the last morsel of hamburger.

 

 

* * *

 

Dexard climbing beneath the blankets and wedging up against Wash's knee has become a nighttime ritual, but the night terrors have started to come back ever since Caboose came back from a mission with a bullet lodged up between his ribs ("One inch higher and to the left and it would've hit his heart!" Dr. Grey informs him cheerfully, apparently unaware that Wash was already on the verge of hyperventilating and didn't need that, thanks) and Wash is worried that he'll seriously hurt him in his sleep.

He doesn't want to but he has to banish Dexard to the ground for nighttime. The kitten doesn't take kindly to the change and furiously climbs back up to bed whenever Wash moves him, yowling his displeasure. Wash has to go as far as make a comfy bed for him out of a crate lid and his own blanket and stuffs the kitten into the closet, closing it and just wrapping himself up in his fatigues to sleep instead.

But then Dexard starts crying and that's like, a million times worse than the hissing and the growling. The sad, mournful little mews are like murder to his heart and burying his head in his pillow doesn't do anything to muffle them. Eventually Dexard gives up but this becomes a nightly thing, Wash shutting the kitten up in the closet and having to listen to him cry for almost two full hours afterward.

On the fourth night of this Wash is desperate. Dr. Grey told him that if he didn't start sleeping he would have to be hospitalized and Wash might be afraid of night terrors and hurting Dexard, but he's more afraid of hospitals and probably sedatives and sleeping pills keeping him in those night terrors so he has to figure this out.

“Look," Wash tells the kitten as he lets him out of the closet and loses his train of thought when the kitten bounds out and winds around Wash's ankles, purring furiously. He watches in alarm as Dexard claws his way up Wash's fatigues and into his coat, wedges himself in the nearest crevice he can find, little purr like a tiny engine.

Wash totally cries. He totally cries because he's exhausted, because the kitten hadn't wanted to sleep with his _blanket,_ he'd wanted to sleep with _Wash_ and because he read somewhere that cat purring is therapeutic.

He grabs his blanket and together he and Dexard go to his bunk and instead of his knee, Dexard finds the crook of Wash's neck and curls up there, tiny and fuzzy and only barely getting bigger but the purring is like a ward and his presence like that of a sentinel, and Wash sleeps four solid hours, dreams blessedly blank.

 

* * *

 

Months pass and Dexard gets big. He gets friendlier too, with Wash especially. Wash fashions him a snapaway collar out of an old ammo pouch and a belt, and carefully carves his name into an aluminum plate. Dexard loves Wash to pieces, bounces down from his perch whenever Wash comes back, rubs foreheads with him and cleans Wash's hair with an air of suffering because his big stupid human thing doesn't know how to take care of himself, obviously.

He gets tolerant of other people at least, will let them pet him as he holds himself dignified and still until he's had enough of that, and wanders off to go find Wash. He stands on Wash's shoulders when he's in armor, will sneak out of his room and come find him anyway so Wash -with permission from Kimball and Doyle- lets him wander around free during the day. Dexard likes watching the recruits suffer when Wash tells them to take another lap, so he sits there on Wash's shoulders and purrs and Wash sometimes is cruel and makes the recruits run more laps than necessary because he likes to keep Dexard entertained.

One time Wash comes back wounded from a mission and has to stay in the hospital, and Dexard finds him and climbs up onto his bed. Dr. Grey is not happy about his presence because something-something contamination, but when she kicks Dexard out the little bastard just finds his way back in and curls up next to Wash's hip and stares at her like, _I fuckin' dare you, take me away from here._

Caboose is okay with Dexard if his claws are away and Dexard really likes playing with Tucker's hair, so Tucker lets him provided it doesn't turn to biting.

Grif and Simmons are still kind of embarrassed by the name thing -"It sounds like a celebrity ship," Donut gushes, because of course he loves it- but they're okay with the cat too. In fact, a lot of people are okay with the cat, which is good because the cat is, more or less, okay with them.

Wash is more than okay with it. And even though Dexard is still way, way too big for it, he wedges himself up against Wash's neck, right there, purring furiously through the night and Wash doesn't know how he does it but whenever he has a nightmare coming on, he wakes to the feeling of a sandpaper tongue cleaning his temple and hair because god help him, god save him, he's just a dumb stupid human who doesn't know how to take care of himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> is all my fluff gonna be unedited skypefic  
> OF COURSE NOT
> 
> but most of it is


End file.
